This title explains it all. I really did flat line..................................................................... I thought that I could handle it all dealing with family health issues, the pressures of finding a new apartment, and the weight loss challenge. There were many points during this week where I felt like I should just give up and stop wasting everyone's time. I was going through the motions and had a tough time staying afloat even to the point that I had told my coach that I needed some motivation. I'm grateful to my friends who would tell me "No you can't quit!" or "You better go to class" which is what I did. I felt like one of those patients on Grey's Anatomy that had just flat lined and all you heard was "Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppppppppp!" While Doctor's all around you scurried to get the Heart Defibrilator set up on you to jumpstart your heart. I was now that patient laying on that table waiting for somebody or something to save me. I felt like I was having an outer body experience because I could see everything but not from the point of view of the corpse layin on the table. I was watching everyone else panic in a rush to save me. It was like I pertty much couldn't bring myself back without the help and push of others.
The first shock to my heart came from my family and friends. It was almost like considering suicide because i Iwould tell my friends "Oh, I don't feel like going because I need to do X, Y, Z which are way more important" and they would fuss at me and tell me that I better go or remind me of my results so far or how I was on my way to being a healthier me! Every night I would call my Mom after clas, while she was at the hosptial with my aunt, and her first question would always be "Did you make it to your class tonight?" Each time she would tell me how proud she is of me and to keep going. I didn't really tell her my thoughts of quitting the challenge but she has been quite supportive of me. I usually talk to my Dad before class and he would ask me if I was going which was another push. As always I wanted to make them both proud, especially now with this new lifestyle change.
The second jolt to my heart was after the conclusion of our class when Maia had us all gather up front for a Test Group Meeting. I'm not sure if she saw that we were starting to lose our momentum or what but that meeting was another shock to my chest. She had us to close our eyes and think about how excited we were when received the email that they were having a Boot Camp Challenge. Then to reflect on how we felt when we found out we were chosen for the group and the joy we felt the first day of Boot Camp. That excercise helped me to stop going through the motions. However, it wasn't quite the shock that brought me alllll the way back to life.
The third and life changing jolt came from my fellow test group friends, Jadira and Flo. After class on Thursday night we all sat in parking lot and talked for what seemed like forever. It was nice to know that we all had the same struggles and challenges with this, except they faced one extra one called AGE. So they were getting on me because I was younger and now is the time to get the weight off. However if you see these two, you would think we are all the same age because I was shocked when they told me how old their were. I admired both of their drive, hard work, and dedication to not only the test group but to to making these lifestyle changes. We talked about our goals after the bootcamp challenges, different health issues we faced, why we wanted to do the boot camp test group, various healthy choice recipes. Basically we talked and talked and talked but when we finally decided to leave, I left with a smile and new will to be dedicated to my life style change. I feel like I'm writing a paper where my Spelling word for the life is "LIFESTYLE CHANGE" becasue I've said it so much. I guess it just reaffirms my committment to doing this for the long haul!
Body: I was numb to everything this week. I did my best during the workouts and still managed to burn over 1200 calories on my daily workouts. The main issue was my mind wasn't there. I was going through the motions.
Learning- In spit of it all I still did pretty well with my eating. I would have a few slip ups during the week but for the most part, I was making better food choices. I learned that I'm not the only one who was having difficulties but I had to push through it.
Goals- Next week I plan to focus on my motivatation for doing this challenge! I won't forget it and will allow it to push me through when it seems like I can't go on.
As the rap song says..... "I WILL NOT LOSE!" Well I mean, I will lose as I get healthy but I will not lose to myself, mentally! :-)
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